1) You are a dumbass.
2) You should probably layoff the midnight ice-cream refrigerator rape brigades.
3) Who really cares? Nobody besides me, but that ain't the point.
4) Pete Kamitses short-roped me like a bumbling dick head. Kidding.
Pardon me for writing something semi-serious about climbing, but this has been bugging the dingleberries out of me lately.
This question keeps rolling through my head. What's the best frame of mind to be in before you get on a project? In this case, the project is a route. As you tie in, you get nervous and start mentally fidgeting.
Are you going to fall at the crux? Do chicks think you're ripped? Why don't you have a girlfriend? Shouldn't you be confident enough that you won't be thinking about falling at the crux? Are you a huge pussy? My conscious usually replies, "Dude, yah, you are...but we're here, so you mine as well try hard." These fragmented thoughts bounce off the inside of my dome like bouncing balls inside a metal box every time I get ready to try something at my limit.
From my chair, these are some options to experiment with. Use with extreme caution:
Type A: The Meat Head Method
Prepare yourself like you're about to go brawl with someone like Wolverine or the Hulk. Yell and scream at the rock a little bit before you pull on as to intimidate it into submission. Some rocks are easier to scare than others. Get psyched up the same way a football player does before running onto the field before smashing his helmet into another teammate. Kill it. It's time for World War III.
Type B: Party in the Front, Business in the Back
This is when you act like you don't give a rats ass about anything on the outside, but on the inside you actually feel like you're going to empty you wrists into the tub after you're done climbing if you fall. Not sure about this one.
Type C: Zen Master
Sit by yourself in small cave for as long as it takes to find your inner D-Bag. No talking before tying in. No talking while booting up. Tell you're belayer that if you fall, you will blame it on him no matter what and make sure everyone at the crag knows it. You're face should look so awfully sullen that if someone saw you they might think you had just left Michael Jacksons funeral. Too soon?
Type D: Have Fun?
Don't try to be or act like anything. Just focus on climbing as well as possible on each move; one at a time--believe. Don't think about the end result, just focus on executing one piece of the puzzle at a time. Instead of creating weighty expectations, have fun climbing hard--actually enjoy yourself--and then you might finish.
Or just imagine yourself as this guy...
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