Random Horse Pens

Skywalker from last year. Beautiful problem.





Gettin' psyched for the first leg of the Triple Crown at Hound Ears. First time!

Side note: Climbing on plastic is really, really hard. Tonight was my second serious session in all of September with the Max/Gav duo and my plastic fitness is GONZO. Climbing outside seems to make you stronger in different ways--like having good core tension--but the whole pinch-power-endurance baloney has dissipated to shat. Fun! I love getting owned inside!

WTF + FML= Rock Climbing!

So, I fell off the very last move of Supernova today from the low start and it got me thinking...

1) You are a dumbass.
2) You should probably layoff the midnight ice-cream refrigerator rape brigades.
3) Who really cares? Nobody besides me, but that ain't the point.
4) Pete Kamitses short-roped me like a bumbling dick head. Kidding.

Pardon me for writing something semi-serious about climbing, but this has been bugging the dingleberries out of me lately.

This question keeps rolling through my head. What's the best frame of mind to be in before you get on a project? In this case, the project is a route. As you tie in, you get nervous and start mentally fidgeting.

Are you going to fall at the crux? Do chicks think you're ripped? Why don't you have a girlfriend? Shouldn't you be confident enough that you won't be thinking about falling at the crux? Are you a huge pussy? My conscious usually replies, "Dude, yah, you are...but we're here, so you mine as well try hard." These fragmented thoughts bounce off the inside of my dome like bouncing balls inside a metal box every time I get ready to try something at my limit.

From my chair, these are some options to experiment with. Use with extreme caution:

Type A: The Meat Head Method
















Prepare yourself like you're about to go brawl with someone like Wolverine or the Hulk. Yell and scream at the rock a little bit before you pull on as to intimidate it into submission. Some rocks are easier to scare than others. Get psyched up the same way a football player does before running onto the field before smashing his helmet into another teammate. Kill it. It's time for World War III.

Type B: Party in the Front, Business in the Back





















This is when you act like you don't give a rats ass about anything on the outside, but on the inside you actually feel like you're going to empty you wrists into the tub after you're done climbing if you fall. Not sure about this one.


Type C: Zen Master
















Sit by yourself in small cave for as long as it takes to find your inner D-Bag. No talking before tying in. No talking while booting up. Tell you're belayer that if you fall, you will blame it on him no matter what and make sure everyone at the crag knows it. You're face should look so awfully sullen that if someone saw you they might think you had just left Michael Jacksons funeral. Too soon?

Type D: Have Fun?


















Don't try to be or act like anything. Just focus on climbing as well as possible on each move; one at a time--believe. Don't think about the end result, just focus on executing one piece of the puzzle at a time. Instead of creating weighty expectations, have fun climbing hard--actually enjoy yourself--and then you might finish.

Or just imagine yourself as this guy...

Failed Attempts: Yay!

Supernova (5.14b): FAIL--David Wetmore from David Wetmore on Vimeo.

What I say at the end of this attempt is pretty funny. I didn't know it until I actually watched the clip.

Supernova (5.14b): FAIL--David Wetmore from David Wetmore on Vimeo.

Max! Hi MAX!

Steady Slobbin: (5.14b): FAIL--Max Zolotukhin from David Wetmore on Vimeo.

Another Shitty Day at Rumney

The weather was so gosh-darn nice I nearly made pee-pee in mis pantalones. I'll post up some new videos tomorrow. One is up Max falling at the last move on Steady Slobbin-gay and another is of me having a hissy fit on Stupid-Nova (it's funny).

The crew...

















Max Zolotukhin: He is now sponsored by his favorite beverage--Vitamin Water.

















Neil Mushaweh: The most serious, non-fun, all business climber out there.















Me: Captain D-Bag. I make it rain.

Man Down

For some reason, a good wave of climbing for me never fails to crash at the most inopportune moment. Neil and I were out for a session at Pawtuckaway and I ended up coming off the upper crux of Confident Man--rolled my ankle and it's swollen up like a grape fruit right now. Sick!

At any rate, Pawtuckaway is beautiful; the season is finally here. Hoping to heal up like Wolverine--2 to 3 days tops? Yes? Yes.

More importantly, this kid, one of the young talents on the MetroRock team, cracks me up to no end. Jesus H. Christ. Sam, where did you come from bro?

Neil Mushaweh sending Halcyon (V11)

Neil Mushaweh sending Halcyon (V11) from David Wetmore on Vimeo.

Flippin' Flapjacks, this video gets me psyched! Listen carefully for the classic "Sataaaaaat" and "SAAAAAAAAHT" and also "Sssssssseeeeeeeaaaaht!" at the lip. Right on Neil. What can I say? This guy is a freaking monster--crushing Parallel Universe and Halcyon within the same week. He gets out more than I do and has a real job. FML.

Dark Horse Series!

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Check out the new site and register. Just went live!

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Jeremy Balboni

This guy takes climbing far too seriously for his own good. Can't you tell? I love when he takes his son, Brayton, out climbing.

Two things...

1) Boogie Man went down today. Supernova, still, did not. Neil inched closer on Steady Slobovitch. We need some of the Patz special sauce. What?

2) I threw a bouncy ball off a wall in the gym tonight and it hit someone who was hanging from the rings in the shoulder. He got extremely angry. I was severely reprimanded for my tomfoolery.

Went something like this...

"Do you see me doing pull-ups here, guy? I'm getting huge. Huge. I will take you straight down to China Town pal. Seriously. You do not want to see me start ripping one-arms in my tight-lycra bound muscle tee! Look at my veins--look."

Not really, but I've never seen anyone take themselves so seriously.

Here's some photos of a Supernova session and Gavin working Dr.Yes.









































































And Max belaying me...thinking, "I did this route like 3 years ago big guy. Jesus. Hurry the F-up." Just kidding--love you Maximus.

Mike Patz sending Parallel Universe (5.14a)

And the send train continues!



After many, many tries Patty Cakes goes for the win. This broseph studies and works 5-jabillion hours a week to become a doctor at Harvard Med and still manages to destroy. Super duper.

Gavin are you next? Gavin says "Ya, duh."

Maximus Zolotukhin sending China Beach (5.14b)

Maximus Zolotukhin: China Beach (5.14b) from David Wetmore on Vimeo.

Ok. So I admit this is the worst video footage ever taken in the history of climbing, but I was just randomly shooting and Max sent! I'll have lots more videos too come. I'm just getting used to this camera/software/whatever. Next time, I'll edit and stuff. Cool. Good job Maximus!

Mike Foley: You are Missed

Mike Foley in Rodellar. This pictures makes my life. Come back Mike Foley.

Rumnizzle: Three Day Destination

Maximus Zolotukhin. You can see him below coolly staring up at what only the most hardened, hardcore Rumneytes call "The Beach." I guess he can call it that now since he sent it. Good job bro-dude. Luckily, I took some of the absolute worst video footage ever captured in the history of climbing on his send.

Lessons Learned (Watch out Tim Kemple):

1) No matter how expensive the camera, the quality of the footage is solely dependent on the incompetent dingleberry behind it: in this case, me.

2) If you want to be able to see the climber, do not point the camera directly into the sun. The sun; despite popular belief, is extremely erratic and can switch positions in the sky at any moment, similar to the movement of a ping-pong ball in the sky. Take note neophytes.

3) Beware of ascending trolls on nearby climbs; they can easily sneak their way into the frame. This happened and is no laughing matter.



Max climbs in sunglasses because he is rad. So very, very rad.

I spent my time this weekend working on Supernova. Made some progress and refined beta, but no send. This month! Neil also reached his high point on Steady Slobovitch, while Mike Pattycakes nearly sent Parallel. Oh boy, everyone is on the edge. If you asked Max, he would say all of this is completely irrelevant to the rest of the climbing world. He is absolutely correct, but climbing and laughing with the dingdongs that I call my friends is relevant to me, plus this is fun.

In other news, Jake List, the most obnoxious D-bag at Rumney (I can say that because I actually like him) is close on Boogie Man. But he is too fat right now and his Mom was in Playboy, so that's also a major contributing factor.

Jake made a new friend at Rumney by calling him an albino that would toast under the sun like a marshmellow over a fire. Looking forward to climbing with that crazy fella. Good work Jake.







Outside of climbing, with nearly perfect conditions I might add (the smell of another Rumney Fall is in the air), fun was had elsewhere. Charlie Manganiello and his family are probably the coolest and most accommodating people on this side of the planet. Max, Mike, and I all crashed at their place right down the road in Bristol, sleeping in our trucks, hanging out by the lake, and partying (no pictures this time), but I did snap some others.



Wake up Maximus. Time to crush. Sataaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!





Breakfast and Natty-Ice. Yum.

Looking forward to next weekend. Must destroyyyy.